Hot tubs are awesome.
You wanna know why?
Somehow, they always turn into some kind of orgy. Cat and Kim went in to investigate the subject and discovered that there is a magical property that through chemical mitosis is released into the air when the subject (female) enters the bubbling waters.
In other words, it turns us on.
BIIIGGG TIME.
We recommend that most men should have or be in close proximity to a hot tub at all times. This will increase your chances with us IMMENSELY!
Hot tubs = win.
-Cat and Kim
Kim:
- Tall
- Musician (good rhythm baby)
- HOT (gots to have the V. If you know what I mean)
- Cowboy (With good manners)
- Car (Preferably not crappy)
- Dancer!
- Has a future!
Cat:
- FUNNY
- Not a cheater
- Has the V.
- MASSAGE THERAPIST. A must.
- Astronaut.
- Musicians with THE BEAT.
P.S. This is a drunk post. LOVE CAT AND KIM
Are you wondering why Sex and the City marathons are included in the I hate men club benefits? Well, it's pretty simple: Sex and the City is the modern version of The Bible for scorned women. It has everything you need to know about men, relationships and sex. This is why I've gathered all of the best Sex and the City quotes for you. I've divided them in different categories, and this first post is about men and relationships. Enjoy!
Miranda: No, he's not sick. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he just wants to scream. I'm doing everything I can but I can't please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.
Carrie: And then I realized something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.
Stanford: Oh my God, look at him. It's like he travels with his own personal lighting director
Mr. Big: Hey, have you got a light?
Carrie: I quit.
Mr. Big: Aw, we always used to share a cigarette together.
Carrie: We did a lot of things that were bad for me together.
Charlotte: We're having Trey's sperm tested.
Miranda: Is it not doing well in school?
Carrie: I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific.
Miranda: How does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
Carrie : You do this every time! Every time! What do you have, some kind of radar? 'Carrie might be happy, it's time to sweep in and shit all over it!'
Miranda : Why do we get stuck with old maid and spinster and men get to be bachelors and playboys?
Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.
Carrie: There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.
Miranda: "Natasha"? When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul"?
Samantha: From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.
... Miranda, to Carrie who’s listening to an answering machine message from Big...
Miranda, : We could analyze this for years and never know, I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy.
Charlotte: Big is in town?
Carrie: Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
Miranda: What, is he on the list to get one?
Charlotte: Don't listen to her, Carrie, it's only been a month. It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
Charlotte: It's the break-up rule -- you and Big only went out for a year so that means that she's got five more months to get over him
Charlotte: So, how are you?
Carrie: I'm good, how are you?
Charlotte: Great.
Carrie: I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
Charlotte: Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
Carrie: You win. So should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?
Charlotte: I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?
Miranda: Who, the White Knight?
Samantha: That only happens in fairy tales.
Charlotte: My hair hurts.
...Carrie doesn't think that she obsesses on her past relationships..
Samantha: Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rearview mirror.
Miranda: Relationships may appear closer than they actually are.
Charlotte: Miranda has a son!
Samantha: Just what the world needs: another man.
Carrie: He's not my boyfriend, he's just someone I'm trying on.
Samantha: Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.
Samantha: These are guys, they don't talk they fight. They can't help it. It's all that crazy testosterone, God bless it.
Samantha: Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."
Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love
Carrie: When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough?
Carrie: In a love relationship there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. In fact, it’s a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain is growth. How do we know when the growing pain stops, and the pain-pain takes over? Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk that fine line?
Carrie: When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?
Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.
-Kimberly
While talking to my friend about how exasperated I was with men, we came up with a series of choice phrases that we should tell men when we first meet them, so they could know how it really is.
Here they are (thank god these were saved!)
-Hi my name is Catherine, my boyfriend cheated on me with a blonde hoe. If you like blonde hoes, then this won't be working out.
-Hi, are you a massage therapist? Welcome to my bed.
-Hi, I'm Catherine and I'm having a hard time believing in men. Prove to me that lesbian isn't the way to go.
-Hi, stop looking at my boobs.
-Hi, I'm really cranky in the mornings, but if you have lucky charms close by, I can guarantee we'll get along just fine.
-Hi, you look hot..Oh wait...You work at the same restaurant as me? Quit your job, THEN we can fuck.
-Hi, do I look like someone who wants to fuck? I do? Yeah, well, just not with you.
-Hi, you look pretty drunk. You never drink? Looks to me like you're a pro.
-Hi, I watched Sex and the City and ate frozen cookie dough on Valentine's day. Top that.
-Hi, I already don't trust you and I don't think this will go anywhere so prove me wrong :)
-Hi, though you seem like a nice guy I sincerely doubt you are and I do believe you will cheat on me. Nice to meet you!
-Hi, if you're an engineer I already don't like you so please go away. If you sleep with asians in your spare time, fuck right off :)
-Hi, are you interested in a normal sort of boring but actually quite funny girl? Do you like to cuddle. If so, HELLO.
-Hi, I'm really greasy in the morning but I shower daily. I have a nice ass. I bet you don't deserve me :). weerrdd.
-Hi, if you try to impress me by being overly competitive, I'll puke in my mouth.
-Hi, hope you don't think you're getting in my pants tonight. Cause youre not.
-Hi, if you have a penis we hate you. But we can maybe get over it ;)
-Sometimes I eat a whole row of oreos to myself and if you can't handle that, I'm just gonna go ahead and eat another row.
-Hi, I have a close relationship with all, and yes that means multiple, of my cats. If you think that's weird, remember that you're the cause.
-Hi, I play the Sims. I have a character of myself and she's single and sleeping with PaulyD. She has a kid named Patrick and she's raising him alone. Fake life = win. Real life = overrated.
-Hi, I'm unnaturally ticklish so don't get spooked when I squirm under your touch. I don't actually think youre that nasty.
Any of those are good options next time you meet a new man ;)
- Catherine
" I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific." - Carrie Bradshaw
Have you been a victim of men?
We have. And we're here to bitch about it.
This has gone on long enough!
We know that we're not alone in thinking that we have been cheated on, beated on, lied to, pulled bullshit on and definitely not treated like we deserve!
Fortunately, there's the I hate men Club!
Club benefits:
Lots of drinking girly cocktails, Sex and the City marathons and random roadtrips.
Club requirements:
At least one story where a guy has pissed you off and/or screwed you over.
We're Cat and Kim and we'll be posting the unfortunate but everyday occurances where men behave in strange and unexplainable ways and try to decode WTF is going on.
LOVE,
Cat and Kim
"Men are like parking spots; the good ones are always taken and the free ones are handicapped."
