After reading Catherine's post about where she was two years ago, I started myself thinking about how much things have changed in the past two years.
Two years ago was the worst chapter of my life so far. Two years ago is the reason why I was inspired to start this blog with Catherine a couple months ago, it is the reason why I hated men so badly. I was recovering from the relationship that left me so wounded. This may sound tragic and extremely serious, it sort of is. But fear not, the chapter is closed.
So okay, enough suspense. Three years ago, I started dating this guy. Let's name him Mr.X, even though we should call him the Devil. So yes, we started dating, and in the beginning it was very unofficial, foggy and sneaky. ( if you're wondering why, it is because I dated one of Mr.X's best friends before, so he was sort of breaking the BroCode: you don't date your friend's ex.) So after a couple months, I decided to stop with all the bullshit and ask him straight up to either admit we were exclusive or let me go. Being the great catch that I am, Mr.X obviously decided to call me his girlfriend.
The relationship lasted about two years, but the last year was pure torture. I will not go into details about how bad, abusive and poisonous the relationship was, but what I will say is that I should've never commited to this person. I guess the wise thing to say here is that you learn from your mistakes and that you have to take risks to realize what you want and what you deserve, but to be honest, this was one lesson I didn't have to learn. It was not essential to my life, and it wasn't something I had to go trough to become a better person.
And the award goes to...
THAT TIME THAT NASTY WEIRD OLD MAN AT THE RESTAURANT BARGED IN ON OUR PHOTO!
So lately I've started dating this guy (yes I know, SHOCKER!!!!) and sex has been on our minds.
So I definately want your advice, dear men haters, on when is the best time to have sex with a guy you just started to date.
A) 3rd date rule!
B) A month- that seems about right.
C) When you feel comfortable
D) First date- you want to know what's up... and what's not.
So ladies, please give me your opinion! This is crucial :)
You can either post your answer in the comment box below, or on the Facebook page!
Hello ladies! We got an email from a reader asking us if we give advice, YOU BET WE DO! In the spirit of trying to help you ladies out, we're going to post (anonymously of course) our questions and advice on the blog, from both me and K to any questions we get. Here is our first!
do you do advice? i need some.
i've been on and off with a guy for six years. we're currently seeing each other but have decided not to date (officially, i think this is our 4th go at it.) he's decided to go away for school this fall somewhere that's really hot and populated, and i'm going somewhere that's cold and populated, and they're super far away from eachother. needless to say, there will be lots of girls for him and lots of guys for me in these particular cities. he talks like he wants to marry me eventually though, no matter what happens. (we've had a year to two-year breaks in between our dating (some of that time i was away at uni) but we just seem to keep coming back together.) but he brought up the other day that he never wants to talk about us having sex with other people (he kept bringing up the fact that hes going to party his face off down there so i kept bringing up the fact that he'll have easy bimbos all over him) and some other stuff he said made me get the impression that he's going there basically thinking he's going to be banging all these other girls - but in the end, he wants to come back and marry me?
and i quote, "at the end of the day, or i guess i should say the next morning, i'm still going to love you"
WHAT THE FUCK...should someone that "loves" you, and for this long, be planning on fucking around just because they can or before their tied down? (not that i'm going to be tying him down...hell no. i just cant let go of him and i know i won't be able to let go of him (which i've tried many times) until i find someone that i have equivalent feelings for...but i'm not going to find him here and there's two months left of summer...what should i do?
From Kimberly:Wow, that's a toughy!
There's is no easy answer because this is no easy situation.
I have to admit that I've sort of been there with an ex, and it didn't end very well. After two years of dating, we broke up, and then we were on and off for about 8 months. It was hell. I HATED not knowing what was going on, if he was serious about me or just keeping around to avoid loneliness.
This is where I can understand what you're going through, because I had to make the same choice. And here is the best advice I can give you.You really need to sit down, and ask yourself if it's worth it. I mean this guy is giving me the impression that he is taking you for granted,and keeping you as a backup. Is this guy really worth feeling like a plan B? Honestly, if he CARES so much about you and is talking about marriage,why would he put you through this? What's the point of jeopardizing your relationship right now if he wants to be with you in the end? It just doesn't add up. Could he have some commitment issues? Maybe you should explore that possibility.
I know this may sound cheesy, but you really need to figure out what y-o-u want. If you decide that this guy is The One and you don't care how much time it takes or how much it hurts,
then it's your choice and you should embrace it. But if you decide to not put up with it anymore, then you should definately say something! One thing is for sure, you can't sit around and wait for him to figure out what he wants. It's a two way street! I'm strongly encouraging you to have a heart-to-heart with him,tell him what's on your mind, and try to get some answers. If I've learned anything, it's that a man will never just give you what you want, you have to be strong enough to ask. So if you want him to NOT fuck around and really be in this relationship with you, then ask. It's the only way to more forward with -or without- him. Because in the end, we're all trying to find our own happiness and you just have to figure out what with help you get on that path. Think longterm!
Wish you the best!xoxo-K
From Catherine`:
Honey, I have to give you tough love on this one: even if he might not intentionally be doing it, he is using you! He's keeping you as his backup girl and while he may love you, you should never put yourself in second place!
I think you should tell him that you hate feeling second place to a bunch of bimbos and tell him that you guys are definitely off for a while. It sounds to me from what I know that you are both in different places right now in your lives and not ready to fully commit.
You don't have to completely 'let go of him' but take a break for a while, meet other guys, live your seperate lives and if after a while you both are ready to commit and really be together, then you'll know it's worth it.
It's like when you try on a shirt you like but aren't sure about it, if you leave the store and are still thinking about it later, then you know you should buy it!
Amsterdam
When I got back from my two week trip in Europe, one of the first things I said to the girls about the men in Amsterdam is that I gained 10 pounds because there was so much EYE CANDY. Holy shit. I swear to God, everywhere I looked I saw gorgeous men. And if you think that my standards are low, well they’re NOT. So here is what I noticed most about Dutch men:
•Tall. VERY TALL.
•Gorgeous facial features. I don’t know how they do it, but almost everything about their faces looks good. And the hair... most of the men had medium-long hair. Nothing dirty or grungy. It was kind of Italian looking actually. Sort of pushed back, a bit wavy and just so sexy.
•Fashionistas, in a non-metrosexual/homosexual way. The men over there know how to dress, and man do they look good.
•Okay so if you don’t know anything about Amsterdam, let me tell you that over there, 98% of the means of transportation are bicycles. You won’t see parking lots for cars, but you guessed it, parking lots for BIKES. So all of this to tell you that if you use your bicycle on a daily basis, you WILL have a killer body. Oh Jesus, the bodies....
•Sexy foreign accents. I don’t know what it is about accents, but they’re hot. And they will make you wanna take him home. BEWARE OF ACCENTS.
•THEY LOVE CANADIANS!!! Since we were the ones to free Amsterdam in the Second World War, they just love us. And want to give us free drinks. Uh-oh!
•Their culture. Men over there are so laid back and chill. All they wanna do is ride their bikes and drink a good cold Heineken. Amen to that!
•Class. They have class. First of all, I did not see any guidos whatsoever. Guys over there do not focus on having the biggest biceps ever, or wearing the tightest shirts ever. Second, even though marijuana is legal over there and drinking is a part of their daily routines, they’re never wasted and making a fool of themselves on the streets.
Belgium
Okay so this was... interesting. During my stay in Belgium, I lived in an Arab neighbourhood. So you can imagine what I went through. Men harassing you from every corner, winking at you, blowing you kisses. Yes very disturbing I know. I don’t have anything whatsoever against Arab men, but some of them went as far as grabbing my arm, telling me that they love me, and one guy said to me “Princess, you color my life.” Wow, I felt like a piece of steak and all of these dogs were fighting over the meat. It was not a good feeling and it kind of turned me off all Belgian men.
Luxembourg
I was only there for two days, and spent most of my time sightseeing! I didn’t have a lot of time to check out the men over there, but from what I saw, they seemed... normal. A balanced mixture of hot and ugly boys. Every guy I met though kept saying that I had a “cute” ac cent. That’s pretty much the only action I got over there.
Overall, I have to say that I MUCH prefer European men. They look WAY better, they act better, and let’s face it, they have that sexy accent. They’re exotic, and I like exotic things. I have to admit that I was quite dissapointed to come back to our short, wannabe guido and sloppy men. So my advice is that we all pack our bags and head to Europe. Afterall, it is the most beautiful and romantic place to be. If we don’t find suitable men and all else fails, we can always become classy strippers in the Red Light District.
Is that an accent? Excuse me while I undress.
Yay! Excited!
That is all. :)
Okay, so obviously Cat and I are very discouraged by the men we encounter. Therefore, I will take advantage of the fact that I'm going to Europe for two weeks to see if the men over there are as nasty as the men here. Yes, I have a mission, and trust me, I will come back with a FULL report on european men. Dear god, I hope they're better than the ones over here, just so that we don't have to shoot ourselves and restore our faith in men (well maybe not restore fully, but at least give us hope.)
So there you have it guys, the official Men Hater is now on her way to Europe, and hopefully I'll come back with some good news ;)
The title is self-explanatory. I came upon this article while browsing the web, but I choose the best topics. Enjoy! And don't forget to read the kick-ass quote at the end of the post ;)
Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.
Sex:
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.
Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...
Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Mirrors:Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.
Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.
Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.
Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.
Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".
Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
- Kimberly
''According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars”
Okay so how many times have we said that men just "don't understand"? If your answer is " a lot" or "too many times", then you're right. It seems to me that men and women just don't speak the same language and it's obviously a huge problem. So this post is for all the men out there. You MUST be familiar with our language, or we will kill you or hurt your private parts. So I've found an awesome translation on Internet that exposes this mysterious and complex language, and it just took the words right out of my mouth! You're about to find out why.
Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or Do what you want, because I don’t care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.
: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.
: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that.” Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.
That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That’s Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That’s Okay is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn’t get a That’s Okay.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.
“Thanks a lot”: This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.
Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F— YOU!
Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
I'm fine/I'm okay: RED ALERT. This statement's actual meaning is that she is not fine at all. Don't you dare ask 'What's wrong' because you will clearly get a Nothing and hear a Loud Sigh.
Obviously this list is not complete, but it does provide a pretty good guideline for men.
“It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in a language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.”
Hot tubs are awesome.
You wanna know why?
Somehow, they always turn into some kind of orgy. Cat and Kim went in to investigate the subject and discovered that there is a magical property that through chemical mitosis is released into the air when the subject (female) enters the bubbling waters.
In other words, it turns us on.
BIIIGGG TIME.
We recommend that most men should have or be in close proximity to a hot tub at all times. This will increase your chances with us IMMENSELY!
Hot tubs = win.
-Cat and Kim
Kim:
- Tall
- Musician (good rhythm baby)
- HOT (gots to have the V. If you know what I mean)
- Cowboy (With good manners)
- Car (Preferably not crappy)
- Dancer!
- Has a future!
Cat:
- FUNNY
- Not a cheater
- Has the V.
- MASSAGE THERAPIST. A must.
- Astronaut.
- Musicians with THE BEAT.
P.S. This is a drunk post. LOVE CAT AND KIM
Are you wondering why Sex and the City marathons are included in the I hate men club benefits? Well, it's pretty simple: Sex and the City is the modern version of The Bible for scorned women. It has everything you need to know about men, relationships and sex. This is why I've gathered all of the best Sex and the City quotes for you. I've divided them in different categories, and this first post is about men and relationships. Enjoy!
Miranda: No, he's not sick. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he just wants to scream. I'm doing everything I can but I can't please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.
Carrie: And then I realized something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.
Stanford: Oh my God, look at him. It's like he travels with his own personal lighting director
Mr. Big: Hey, have you got a light?
Carrie: I quit.
Mr. Big: Aw, we always used to share a cigarette together.
Carrie: We did a lot of things that were bad for me together.
Charlotte: We're having Trey's sperm tested.
Miranda: Is it not doing well in school?
Carrie: I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific.
Miranda: How does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
Carrie : You do this every time! Every time! What do you have, some kind of radar? 'Carrie might be happy, it's time to sweep in and shit all over it!'
Miranda : Why do we get stuck with old maid and spinster and men get to be bachelors and playboys?
Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.
Carrie: There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.
Miranda: "Natasha"? When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul"?
Samantha: From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.
... Miranda, to Carrie who’s listening to an answering machine message from Big...
Miranda, : We could analyze this for years and never know, I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy.
Charlotte: Big is in town?
Carrie: Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
Miranda: What, is he on the list to get one?
Charlotte: Don't listen to her, Carrie, it's only been a month. It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
Charlotte: It's the break-up rule -- you and Big only went out for a year so that means that she's got five more months to get over him
Charlotte: So, how are you?
Carrie: I'm good, how are you?
Charlotte: Great.
Carrie: I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
Charlotte: Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
Carrie: You win. So should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?
Charlotte: I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?
Miranda: Who, the White Knight?
Samantha: That only happens in fairy tales.
Charlotte: My hair hurts.
...Carrie doesn't think that she obsesses on her past relationships..
Samantha: Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rearview mirror.
Miranda: Relationships may appear closer than they actually are.
Charlotte: Miranda has a son!
Samantha: Just what the world needs: another man.
Carrie: He's not my boyfriend, he's just someone I'm trying on.
Samantha: Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.
Samantha: These are guys, they don't talk they fight. They can't help it. It's all that crazy testosterone, God bless it.
Samantha: Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."
Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love
Carrie: When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough?
Carrie: In a love relationship there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. In fact, it’s a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain is growth. How do we know when the growing pain stops, and the pain-pain takes over? Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk that fine line?
Carrie: When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?
Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.
-Kimberly
Have you been a victim of men?
We have. And we're here to bitch about it.
This has gone on long enough!
We know that we're not alone in thinking that we have been cheated on, beated on, lied to, pulled bullshit on and definitely not treated like we deserve!
Fortunately, there's the I hate men Club!
Club benefits:
Lots of drinking girly cocktails, Sex and the City marathons and random roadtrips.
Club requirements:
At least one story where a guy has pissed you off and/or screwed you over.
We're Cat and Kim and we'll be posting the unfortunate but everyday occurances where men behave in strange and unexplainable ways and try to decode WTF is going on.
LOVE,
Cat and Kim
"Men are like parking spots; the good ones are always taken and the free ones are handicapped."
