Men haters giving advice
Posted by CB , Wednesday, August 10, 2011 12:40 a.m.
Hello ladies! We got an email from a reader asking us if we give advice, YOU BET WE DO! In the spirit of trying to help you ladies out, we're going to post (anonymously of course) our questions and advice on the blog, from both me and K to any questions we get. Here is our first!
do you do advice? i need some.
i've been on and off with a guy for six years. we're currently seeing each other but have decided not to date (officially, i think this is our 4th go at it.) he's decided to go away for school this fall somewhere that's really hot and populated, and i'm going somewhere that's cold and populated, and they're super far away from eachother. needless to say, there will be lots of girls for him and lots of guys for me in these particular cities. he talks like he wants to marry me eventually though, no matter what happens. (we've had a year to two-year breaks in between our dating (some of that time i was away at uni) but we just seem to keep coming back together.) but he brought up the other day that he never wants to talk about us having sex with other people (he kept bringing up the fact that hes going to party his face off down there so i kept bringing up the fact that he'll have easy bimbos all over him) and some other stuff he said made me get the impression that he's going there basically thinking he's going to be banging all these other girls - but in the end, he wants to come back and marry me?
and i quote, "at the end of the day, or i guess i should say the next morning, i'm still going to love you"
WHAT THE FUCK...should someone that "loves" you, and for this long, be planning on fucking around just because they can or before their tied down? (not that i'm going to be tying him down...hell no. i just cant let go of him and i know i won't be able to let go of him (which i've tried many times) until i find someone that i have equivalent feelings for...but i'm not going to find him here and there's two months left of summer...what should i do?
From Kimberly:Wow, that's a toughy!
There's is no easy answer because this is no easy situation.
I have to admit that I've sort of been there with an ex, and it didn't end very well. After two years of dating, we broke up, and then we were on and off for about 8 months. It was hell. I HATED not knowing what was going on, if he was serious about me or just keeping around to avoid loneliness.
This is where I can understand what you're going through, because I had to make the same choice. And here is the best advice I can give you.You really need to sit down, and ask yourself if it's worth it. I mean this guy is giving me the impression that he is taking you for granted,and keeping you as a backup. Is this guy really worth feeling like a plan B? Honestly, if he CARES so much about you and is talking about marriage,why would he put you through this? What's the point of jeopardizing your relationship right now if he wants to be with you in the end? It just doesn't add up. Could he have some commitment issues? Maybe you should explore that possibility.
I know this may sound cheesy, but you really need to figure out what y-o-u want. If you decide that this guy is The One and you don't care how much time it takes or how much it hurts,
then it's your choice and you should embrace it. But if you decide to not put up with it anymore, then you should definately say something! One thing is for sure, you can't sit around and wait for him to figure out what he wants. It's a two way street! I'm strongly encouraging you to have a heart-to-heart with him,tell him what's on your mind, and try to get some answers. If I've learned anything, it's that a man will never just give you what you want, you have to be strong enough to ask. So if you want him to NOT fuck around and really be in this relationship with you, then ask. It's the only way to more forward with -or without- him. Because in the end, we're all trying to find our own happiness and you just have to figure out what with help you get on that path. Think longterm!
There's is no easy answer because this is no easy situation.
I have to admit that I've sort of been there with an ex, and it didn't end very well. After two years of dating, we broke up, and then we were on and off for about 8 months. It was hell. I HATED not knowing what was going on, if he was serious about me or just keeping around to avoid loneliness.
This is where I can understand what you're going through, because I had to make the same choice. And here is the best advice I can give you.You really need to sit down, and ask yourself if it's worth it. I mean this guy is giving me the impression that he is taking you for granted,and keeping you as a backup. Is this guy really worth feeling like a plan B? Honestly, if he CARES so much about you and is talking about marriage,why would he put you through this? What's the point of jeopardizing your relationship right now if he wants to be with you in the end? It just doesn't add up. Could he have some commitment issues? Maybe you should explore that possibility.
I know this may sound cheesy, but you really need to figure out what y-o-u want. If you decide that this guy is The One and you don't care how much time it takes or how much it hurts,
then it's your choice and you should embrace it. But if you decide to not put up with it anymore, then you should definately say something! One thing is for sure, you can't sit around and wait for him to figure out what he wants. It's a two way street! I'm strongly encouraging you to have a heart-to-heart with him,tell him what's on your mind, and try to get some answers. If I've learned anything, it's that a man will never just give you what you want, you have to be strong enough to ask. So if you want him to NOT fuck around and really be in this relationship with you, then ask. It's the only way to more forward with -or without- him. Because in the end, we're all trying to find our own happiness and you just have to figure out what with help you get on that path. Think longterm!
Wish you the best!xoxo-K
Honey, I have to give you tough love on this one: even if he might not intentionally be doing it, he is using you! He's keeping you as his backup girl and while he may love you, you should never put yourself in second place!
I think you should tell him that you hate feeling second place to a bunch of bimbos and tell him that you guys are definitely off for a while. It sounds to me from what I know that you are both in different places right now in your lives and not ready to fully commit.
You don't have to completely 'let go of him' but take a break for a while, meet other guys, live your seperate lives and if after a while you both are ready to commit and really be together, then you'll know it's worth it.
It's like when you try on a shirt you like but aren't sure about it, if you leave the store and are still thinking about it later, then you know you should buy it!
You don't have to completely 'let go of him' but take a break for a while, meet other guys, live your seperate lives and if after a while you both are ready to commit and really be together, then you'll know it's worth it.
It's like when you try on a shirt you like but aren't sure about it, if you leave the store and are still thinking about it later, then you know you should buy it!
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