Reader story: A Lesson in Self-Respect
Posted by CB , Monday, August 15, 2011 5:06 p.m.
Another reader story from a dear friend of mine. God men suck sometimes!
Try as we might to be powerful and independent, we women never give ourselves the credit we deserve. I myself had an experience that certainly put into perspective my self-worth and what exactly I DIDN'T deserve. Bear with me while I tell my tale.It started off in my first year of university. I was young, naive, and willing to believe that all men were going to be as nice as the single guy who waited patiently for me to date him for two years in high school (but that’s a whole different story!). Oh, how wrong I was. The guy in question was decently hot, but not too hot that he was 100% out of my league, and came across as funny and caring. I made the mistake to go home with him the very first drunken night that we hung out. No sex or anything though, I wasn't THAT easy.
The first two weeks of our..hmm…”relationship”….were so promising; I wasted hours upon hours of my days lusting over him. I woke up to “good morning beautiful” text messages and fell asleep to equally charming ones. I slept over often enough to leave a toothbrush in his bathroom. To my great surprise and disappointment, things turned sour the minute I left town.
I had to go back home one weekend for some minor surgery, and although I was sad to be missing out on a weekend of partying, I was sure that this soon to be discovered d-bag would be kind enough to keep it in his pants for six days while I was recovering. One of my girlfriends texted me that Friday night to ask how things were going between this guy and I, so I replied honestly saying that I definitely had feelings for him. I was so clueless I thought she was just making small talk with me!
That, my friends, was red flag #1 that I so blindly missed. When I returned back to campus I soon found out that the two fuckers had sex while I was in bed high on painkillers. Great. THIS exact moment is where I should have thought: “hey, he’s a complete loser, GET OUT”. However, I forgave him. I know, I know. Shame on me.
He then continued to lead me on for another month or two, only to drop me a: “sorry I need to concentrate on my studies” text and never speak to me again. Complete and udder mindfuck! And do you want to know what the worst part is? I still would have gone back to the guy. He had me wrapped around his finger.
At the time I thought: “What on Earth did I do to deserve that?” But the answer is quite clear to me now. You see ladies, by uttering the words “I forgive you” I made it clear to him that I was a girl with no self-respect, who didn’t believe that she was worthy of better treatment. If I, myself, didn't possess the sense of worth I merited, why should he bother to treat me with it? Right there, I basically gave him permission to treat me like a piece of shit.
For a situation that really did wreck me more than I’d like to admit, I am still able to say that it’s taught me immeasurably important things. Although I still think it’s fair to expect back the same level of respect from people that you initially put out, I also believe that it’s fair to expect back the same level of respect from people that you believe you deserve and are worthy of. Hopefully one day I’ll forget the asshole that ruined so many of my nights, but right now I remember him as that loser that will never know what a great girl he missed out on.
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