Female language
Posted by KB , Monday, June 6, 2011 1:20 p.m.
Okay so how many times have we said that men just "don't understand"? If your answer is " a lot" or "too many times", then you're right. It seems to me that men and women just don't speak the same language and it's obviously a huge problem. So this post is for all the men out there. You MUST be familiar with our language, or we will kill you or hurt your private parts. So I've found an awesome translation on Internet that exposes this mysterious and complex language, and it just took the words right out of my mouth! You're about to find out why.
Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or Do what you want, because I don’t care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.
: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.
: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that.” Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.
That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That’s Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That’s Okay is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn’t get a That’s Okay.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.
“Thanks a lot”: This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.
Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F— YOU!
Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
I'm fine/I'm okay: RED ALERT. This statement's actual meaning is that she is not fine at all. Don't you dare ask 'What's wrong' because you will clearly get a Nothing and hear a Loud Sigh.
Obviously this list is not complete, but it does provide a pretty good guideline for men.
“It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in a language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.”
Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or Do what you want, because I don’t care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.
: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.
: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that.” Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.
That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That’s Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That’s Okay is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn’t get a That’s Okay.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.
“Thanks a lot”: This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.
Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F— YOU!
Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
I'm fine/I'm okay: RED ALERT. This statement's actual meaning is that she is not fine at all. Don't you dare ask 'What's wrong' because you will clearly get a Nothing and hear a Loud Sigh.
Obviously this list is not complete, but it does provide a pretty good guideline for men.
“It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in a language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.”
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