So I met a guy who seemed... Nice. Probably normal, single. And a little part of me wanted to be hopeful. I really did.
But you know... this is the I hate men Club and it's here for a reason.
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY MEN SUCK.
Sorry, getting caught up here. Anyways.
We hung out a couple times, I slept over a couple times (no sex yall hear?) and yet, I still get this feeling that he's going to blow me off/stop talking to me randomly out of nowhere/end up being a dick.
I wish I didn't feel this way, I honestly do. Because he hasn't really blown me off, we have plans later this week and he still talks to me and he hasn't been a dick yet but...
I'm skeptical.
Oh and right now? I'm talking to a guy that I will probably never see in my life. PATHETIC.
I hate men. Good night.
I mean it ladies. This morning I had a horrible event happen to me, I was grabbed by a man at the bus stop. We comes up to me from across the street on rollerblades and starts getting close and talking to me. I pretended I wasn't freaking out but my heart was beating so fast. This man was covered in weird makeup, had lots of piercings and a mesh shirt. Like, big nasty mesh. He started off talking to me by telling me that he hated when bars closed at 3 cause he had no where to go.
He then started telling me that he knew me and that I could stop pretending that I was someone else. He says ' Crystelle, you can pretend you're different but I recognise you. OOHH I recognise you all right.' At this point, my heart almost stopped. He whips out a joint and starts smoking it in front of me. I found my strength and tried to walk away when he grabbed my arm and yelled CRYSTELLE! And I pushed him away and said 'Laisse-moi tranquille, je suis pas Crystelle!' And he left, smoking his joint.
Ladies, it was scary but just know, don't ever let a psycho man touch you and try to freak you out. Be strong. :)
"I was in a bar and a clearly intoxicated guy started dancing with me.
He was trying to be all smooth and I was wanting to move on so I said:
"I'm sorry, Im kind of off drunk boys at the moment"
...his response... "I'm not drunk, I'm a recovering alcoholic" ....
GREEEAT that's so much better...good pick up line :P"
-Kyra
Okay, so obviously Cat and I are very discouraged by the men we encounter. Therefore, I will take advantage of the fact that I'm going to Europe for two weeks to see if the men over there are as nasty as the men here. Yes, I have a mission, and trust me, I will come back with a FULL report on european men. Dear god, I hope they're better than the ones over here, just so that we don't have to shoot ourselves and restore our faith in men (well maybe not restore fully, but at least give us hope.)
So there you have it guys, the official Men Hater is now on her way to Europe, and hopefully I'll come back with some good news ;)
The inspiration for the post comes from a truly horrifying experience which happened to me at the club Monday night.
I ran into some of my ex's friends who went on to tell me that they missed me and blablabla. The one guy (he's in the running for Douche of the Year) decides to ask me to dance with him. I tell him no, I don't want to get mixed up in that anymore and to convince me, he says this:
'I'm not the jerk here, it's your ex who slept with (that hoe) while you were still together.'
WHOOOAAAAAAAAAA.
EXCUSE ME? YOU THINK I WANT TO BE REMINDED OF THAT?
So needless to say, he didn't get very far except one step closer to Douche of the Year.
With that in mind, some other things men do that we will never understand!
- Complain that women always complain.
- Throw things into their mouths to eat them. (Another dog-like quality)
- Weird facial hair choices: Goatees, mustaches, etc..
- Halo and other video game obsession. The weird thing here is mostly the macho behavior DURING the game.
- Revving the engine at stop lights. COME ON.
- WHY CAN'T MEN SHOP! It's not that hard.
- They buy the wrong size condom.
- Men tanning. EW.
- They think chivalry is dead. IT IS NOT AND I'D APPRECIATE YOU HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME.
- They think stripes and plaid work together.
Behind every great man, there is a woman.
I had an interesting conversation with my younger sister the other day where although younger and with no experience, I think she was DEFINITELY on to something wise here.
Cat says: There was never really anything
Chloe says:
Hey! There was too!! You thought he was the man of your life!!
Cat says:
haha he was the man of my dreams 
And then he turned out to be a jerk.
Chloe says:
And then you flush the toilet.
Cat says:
hahaha yep 
Only problem is I haven't met any new men since I flushed the toilet.
Chloe says:
Hey, there's always more water that comes rushing in! Your toilet must be clogged or something
Cat says:
My relationship toilet is CLOGGEEDDD..
The title is self-explanatory. I came upon this article while browsing the web, but I choose the best topics. Enjoy! And don't forget to read the kick-ass quote at the end of the post ;)
Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.
Sex:
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.
Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...
Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Mirrors:Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.
Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.
Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.
Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.
Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".
Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
- Kimberly
''According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars”
We've seen it happen in Sex and the City countless times. We've seen in happen in Chick Flicks. But nothing can really prepare you for the unexpected run-in with a fling/ex/man you've slept with.
It's one of those guaranteed awkward situations in life.
(*Side note: Ever notice how the word awkward just LOOKS awkward?)
Today, I had the lucky experience of running into that guy who took me on real dates, spent two weeks with me and then proceeded to tell me that we were going 'too fast', when he was the one inviting me out...
ANYWAYS.
I was just getting off the bus walking the rest of the way to work when I see a black Hyundai Accent and I'm thinking PLEASE let that not be his car, cause I knew that he had told me he was moving close to my job.
And it was him.
He pulls into the gas station, I walk by and he comes out at the exact second I'm walking by. He comes up to me and we have this GEM of a conversation:
-Hey (Him)
-Hey (Me)
-What are you doing here?
-Going to investors, you?
- Going to work
-Where?
-Rive Sud
- Oh cool, I just came from there
- You had choir?
- Yeah, gotta go to work now, bye.
It couldn't have been more awkward if we had been talking about the weather.
The upside? I didn't look bad! :) Okay, I was just wearing boring black but my makeup was done and my hair was up for work.
He, on the other hand, looked scruffy and was buying a pack of cigarettes. EW.
Carrie: I had often fantasised about running into my ex and his wife, but, in those fantasies, I was running into them with a truck.
Okay so how many times have we said that men just "don't understand"? If your answer is " a lot" or "too many times", then you're right. It seems to me that men and women just don't speak the same language and it's obviously a huge problem. So this post is for all the men out there. You MUST be familiar with our language, or we will kill you or hurt your private parts. So I've found an awesome translation on Internet that exposes this mysterious and complex language, and it just took the words right out of my mouth! You're about to find out why.
Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or Do what you want, because I don’t care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.
: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.
: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that.” Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.
That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That’s Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That’s Okay is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn’t get a That’s Okay.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.
“Thanks a lot”: This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.
Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F— YOU!
Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
I'm fine/I'm okay: RED ALERT. This statement's actual meaning is that she is not fine at all. Don't you dare ask 'What's wrong' because you will clearly get a Nothing and hear a Loud Sigh.
Obviously this list is not complete, but it does provide a pretty good guideline for men.
“It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in a language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.”
As a founding member of the 'I hate men' Club, I am single but also looking to possibly let a boy break down the brick, ciment, platinum wall that I have built against them.
Since I've been single, I have met lots of men so let's look back at what is wrong with men today:
Mr. "I'm going to take you out on real dates then never talk to you again".
* We didn't even sleep together so there is no reason for this??
Mr. "I work with you"
* This applies to a couple men actually so not even worth going into details. You work with me at a crazy restaurant, this won't be working out.
Mr. "You're nice and I should like you but I can't figure out if you're gay or not"
*As my friend Geve says, if you're unsure, it's cause he is.
Mr. "I used to work with you"
*So far, this is the man with the most potential. But the wall is still up.
Mr " Random Portugese Guy I met on Chatroulette"
*He's a sweetheart... :P
Mr "Please makeout with me but don't tell my girlfriend"
*MOST DEFINATELY NOT.
Mr "Awesome Australian Guy that left Quebec"
*Booooo! :( This could've worked!
Now, don't be thinking that I'm being too difficult. There is no such thing. I have had crappy relationships too so I'm allowed to be selective :)
You can kiss my indecisive ass. - Random song heard in a guy's car
